Is it best to be a sensitive man?

Most of us know what women want in a man, right? They want a sense of humour. They want a man who knows his way around a toolbox. They want someone fit and sporty. They want intelligence and ambition. They want a man that other men look up to.
But while some of that might be true, some of the time, new research suggests that what women look for in men subtly changes in response to what else is going on in the world.
And right now, what many might really want is a man not afraid to show his sensitive side. That's what one new study says, anyway. Read on and see if you agree.
Money worries give 'safe' men the edge
According to the research, the biggest factor influencing who women fancy at the moment is not buff bodies or a gift of the gab, it's global economics.
But that doesn't mean they're looking for a wealthy sugar daddy to lavish them with gifts. When the economy goes bad, alpha males get ditched.
Researchers from Southampton Solent University asked over 150 women to view a series of online dating profiles containing information on the men's earning potential and status, and choose which they'd most like to date and which they thought would make the best marriage material.
Half the women were also primed to think of the recession by being given words to read beforehand connected with economic downturn.
The results were revealing. When they'd been primed to think about the economic situation, the women overwhelmingly plumped for men who didn't like to take risks and didn't like to take command. They were considered more reliable and sensitive.
And boring? 'He wouldn't necessarily be boring. He might be very interesting but just comply with what the woman says,' said Dr Fay Julal, the lead researcher.
'It is telling us that all men may be attractive at some time, given different economic settings.'
Women worry alpha males are more likely to quickly move on
So why would women concerned with the state of the economy want to date these lower status men? Surely an alpha male with high status would be far more likely to look after them financially?
While that may be true, the researchers also theorised that the women - subconsciously at least - thought the wealthy high achievers among the dating profiles would be more likely to cheat or quickly move on.
That was a risk many of them clearly weren't prepared to take in current conditions. In an economic slump, they want a reliable bloke, sensitive to their needs, who will stick by them through thick and thin.
In evolutionary terms it makes sense. When resources are scarce, better to have a man who will bring home a few slices of bacon all the time rather than a man who will bring home the whole pig but give it to someone else. Evolution primes even childless women to make some decisions based on the wellbeing of potential offspring.
There's still space for alpha males, apparently
But tough alpha males shouldn't read the research and weep like babies (they wouldn't of course, that would be wimpy). Other studies have consistently shown that at certain times the raw appeal of a six-pack and a bulging wallet trumps just about every other consideration, even economics.
And that time is ovulation. A study published last year found that when women are at their most fertile they're more likely to fantasise about masculine-looking men.
Those masculine traits - like a pronounced chin, strong jaw, narrow eyes and well-defined brow - suggest a man has good genetic quality. Not only did he survive development, he had the extra energy to expend on producing manly looks. Those rugged genes would be passed on to any children.
At other times of the month, women seem to be more attracted to reliable, caring, sensitive types, who may not have the best genes but will at least stick around to help bring up the children.
Meanwhile, science can't make its mind up as to whether being on the Pill makes women more attracted to macho men or sensitive souls.
A study by psychologists at St Andrews and Stirling universities in Scotland suggests that since women on the Pill don't have to worry about reproduction, they tend to choose men to whom they are simply physically attracted. So masculine men win out.
But another study, published last year in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B, found that the Pill tends to even out the hormonal peaks and troughs of the female cycle, meaning that alpha males lose their advantage during the peak fertile period.
'The implications of our study seem to be that by changing your hormone profile through using the Pill, you might shift your preference away from cads in favour of dads,' said Dr Craig Roberts, who led the research.
Sensitive men v macho men
So apart from the vagaries of individual preference, it seems that the men women fancy most is affected by a number of factors, from the timing of their monthly hormonal cycle to the state of global economics.
Which may seem confusing, but if the latest research is to be believed, there's a simple message for men. While finances are tight and job insecurity rife, emphasise your sensitive, reliable side as much as you can. Subconsciously or otherwise, she may be yearning for a bloke who will stick with her through the rough times.

Why men have a type?

When it comes to women, do you have a type? If you do, you're not alone. Some men go for shy brunettes and others for vivacious blondes. Some men fancy powerful women, while others find dominant women off-putting.
Whether the traits we prefer - and those we avoid - are physical or to do with personality, many men end up going for the same type of women, again and again. The only question is, why?
Read on as MSN Him delves into the mysteries of attraction, and asks why we're attracted to the women we are.
It changes
You may indeed have a 'type', but it's probably not fixed. If your 18-year-old self was attracted to the overtly sexual symbols of womanhood - large breasts, a round behind and long hair - it may have been the result of rampant hormones. By 30 your ideal women may be more subtly alluring.
But scientists have also found that attraction can change much more quickly. Researchers at the University of Aberdeen found that men with raised levels of testosterone were more likely to be attracted to very feminine women. Testosterone levels can fluctuate on a daily basis.
The explanation? It's thought that feminine looks in women are markers of health and so feminine women are likely to produce the healthiest children. Men are most interested in sex when testosterone levels are high.
Blondes
It may not be a myth that many men prefer blondes, even if few of us would pass over Cheryl Cole in favour of Bette Lynch.
That's because most blonde hair gets darker with age. Subconsciously, men want to mate with young fertile women who are more likely to produce healthy children. Before women could get blonde from a bottle, blonde hair was a genuine sign of youth.
So if blonde hair makes up one of the characteristics of your 'type', you're not alone. Blondes feature more often in glossy magazine centrefolds than their prevalence in the population should warrant.
Mum!
Bit of a tricky area this one. It's often claimed that men go for women who are like their mothers - so they can feel again the sense of warmth and protection that they had in childhood. In other words (our women might say) we want someone who loves us unconditionally and doesn't expect us to lift a finger.
Which, admittedly, sounds ideal. And it also might be true. A study by the University of Pecs in Hungary found that men were more likely to pair up with women whose bone structure was similar to that of dear old mum.
Which sounds, well, weird! The reason may be that the kind of faces we find attractive are set to some extent by the faces we see in early childhood, as part of what psychologists call 'sexual imprinting'. "I think the perfect physical type goes way back into childhood, probably before most of us can remember," says Kate Taylor, author and relationship expert for dating site match.com.
Is there another psychological element too, as our despairing partners claim? Well, studies show that we all have a feeling of nostalgia for the warm, cosy days of childhood, but there's no conclusive evidence that we choose partners who might recreate that feeling.
Our first love
It's undeniable - early experiences shape us all. When it comes to our 'type', that first love may have made an indelible imprint on our psyches.
"Our preferred type is often sparked by an early experience, maybe a first girlfriend or that first crush," says Taylor. "It's different for everyone, but those first strong feelings we have for someone often leave a mark or an inclination towards certain looks and traits."
It's all about me!
Apparently, many of us also go for women who look a bit like us, but only when we're relaxed, according to a study from the University of Trier in Germany. Relaxed men who were shown erotic pictures of women that had been digitally altered to look a bit like themselves found them more sexually attractive than stressed men shown the same kind of images.
According to the scientists involved, that's because men are programmed to be less fussy about a mate during times of stress (which roughly translates as "any port in a storm").
But why are we fussy for women who resemble us, whether relaxed or not? It may be something to do with our evolutionary history. "Physically, people are often attracted to people who look similar to themselves, or who dress to show they share common interests," says Taylor. "Wearing the same band T-shirts, for example, is a common bond among younger daters."
Thousands of years ago, choosing someone who looked a bit like you was your best chance of mating with someone who had adapted to survive the same things that you had. Bring that forward a few millennia and many of us get together with girls from the same 'tribe', be they goths, emos or Cliff Richard fans.
Small feet, long legs
Other factors are common to most of us. Researchers at the University of Albany in New York found that small feet and long legs make women prettier, at least to men.
It has to be said, most men would say their 'type' had small feet rather than large ones and long legs rather than short ones, and there could be a good reason for that. According to the scientists, classic feminine traits like small feet, long thighs and wide hips are essentially the markers of fertility and health. Men are programmed to be attracted to women with these markers.
Breasts
Science claims that more of us prefer bigger breasts. When a female researcher with a bra that allowed her to alter the appearance of her breasts sat at a bar, more men approached her when she was flaunting bigger breasts.
But some men emphatically prefer small breasts, so what's going on? The only data is 40 years old, a study by Wiggins et al. (1968), that did suggest men's personalities and backgrounds to some extent shaped their preferences for female body types.
It suggested that men who liked larger busts tend to be manly men, who like sports and try to be the centre of attention. Men who preferred small breasts tended to be from higher social classes, but less extrovert. Beyond that, all we really know is that men are not the same when it comes to the breasts that appeal to them.
Trophy wives
So what shapes the types we like? All sorts of reasons really, from our stress levels, background, our mum and early childhood experiences to our first love and our own looks.
And there's one more factor, says Kate Taylor. Men like a wife that appeals to other men, so the sort of women your friends like might influence - subtly and subconsciously - the type of women you go for.
In other words, she may not be blonde haired and big breasted, but to some extent all men want a trophy wife. What your trophy is like depends on what type of man you are.

Why men with kids are happie

Having children leads to a million hassles, but new research says it still makes men happy.
Many men are a little ambivalent, to say the least, about fatherhood.
In the pros column having babies means we pass on our genes, which is one of the main points of being here, after all.
In the cons column there’s (deep breath) the broken nights, much reduced social life, endless expense, moribund sex life, nappy changing and so on.
But before we get too down on daddyhood, it’s worth noting that new research claims men with kids are happier than their child-free counterparts. So is fatherhood good for us or not? We look at the evidence.
Men without kids are miserable
What the new research actually says is that men without children are likely to be pretty sad about it, and - perhaps surprisingly - even sadder than their childless female equivalents.
The research, presented this week at the British Sociological Association annual conference, found that men are almost as likely to want children as women. Nearly 60% of male respondents said they wanted children, while 63% of female respondents did.
And if they don’t have them, men are more likely than women to experience isolation, depression and anger. Ten per cent more childless men experience depression, for example, than childless women.
“My work shows that there was a similar level of desire for parenthood among childless men and women in the survey, and that men had higher levels of anger, depression, sadness, jealousy and isolation than women and similar levels of yearning,” says Robin Hadley, of Keele University, who conducted the research.
“This challenges the common idea that women are much more likely to want to have children than men, and that they consistently experience a range of negative emotions more deeply than men if they don't have children.”
The parenting paradox
So men yearn for children almost as much as women, and feel the loss even more deeply if they can’t have them. But what about when we do have them? Here the evidence gets a little more complicated.
That’s down to what psychologists call the parenting paradox, which goes something like this.
Humans need to have children. Children fulfill a basic biological need. But children are a source of unhappiness. So surely evolution has messed that up a bit?
And some studies do show that children and childcare don’t make us happy. One study, for example, found that parents of either sex are more prone to depression, and experience more marital strife, than their childfree counterparts.
According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor of psychology at University of California, “it doesn’t make sense evolutionarily. We want people to have children so why would having children make them unhappy?”
Dads are happiest
But as it turns out it may all depend on what you ask. If you ask if children have had an adverse effect on someone’s sex or social life, for example, it invariably makes them feel a bit miserable. If you ask more fundamental questions about what makes people fulfilled or gives meaning to their lives, children seem to be the answer.
And one surprising finding is that dads are most fulfilled of all. In one study, Professor Lyubomirsky gauged the happiness of nearly 7,000 people and found that fathers, in particular, reported higher levels of happiness than men without children.
But it was happiness of a different kind than the sex and social life hedonism mentioned earlier, which might indeed have declined. Fathers expressed more positive emotion and said their lives had more meaning. Both parents reported that they experienced more positive emotion and more meaning when they were taking care of their kids than when they weren’t.
So while it’s true that studies find men’s happiness can take a hit when they become dads, it seems to depend on what sort of happiness we’re talking about. Our ability to enjoy hedonistic pleasure declines, but our sense of fulfillment and meaning increases.
Or, as a Pew Research Center survey found, parents "place their relationships with their children on a pedestal rivaled only by their relationships with their spouses - and far above their relationships with their parents, friends, or their jobs or career.”
Children make men healthier
It could be that the sense of fulfillment children bring is making us healthier and helping us to live longer, too. Last year a Danish study found that childless couples are at increased risk of dying early of all causes. Those hedonistic pleasures they still have the time and money to pursue might not be doing them that much good.
The study found that fathers with a biological child were two times less likely to die an early death than childless men.
This mirrors the results of an earlier Dutch study, which found that fathers were 16% less likely to die young than non-fathers.
Maybe that’s because dads have less money to spend on nights out, junk food or fast cars. Maybe it’s because the desire to see their children grow up gives men a very good reason to improve their health.
And maybe it’s down to something else as well. We know that happy and positive people tend to outlive their more miserable counterparts, and maybe fatherhood is the slice of deep contentment many of us need to be truly, fundamentally happy.

Women live longer than men their immune systems age more slowly

Women live longer than men partly because their immune systems age more slowly, a new study has revealed.
As their body defences weaken with the passing years, the increasing susceptibility of men to disease shortens their lives, it is claimed.
Life expectancy in the UK is 79 years for men and 82 for women, according to the World Health Organisation.
In Japan, where the research took place, the gap is wider. There, the average lifespan of men is the same as in the UK, but women live to 85.5.
The study involved examining blood samples from healthy volunteers with a wide range of ages.
Scientists tested the blood of 356 men and women aged between 20 and 90 and looked at levels of white blood cells and immune system signalling molecules called cytokines.
In both sexes, the number of white blood cells per person decreased with age, but closer study revealed striking differences between men and women.
The rate of decline of most T-cell and B-cell lymphocytes, two key elements of the immune system, was faster in men.
Similarly, men showed a more rapid age-related decline in the two cytokines, IL-6 and IL-10.
Two specific types of immune system cell that actively destroy foreign invaders, CD4 T-cells and natural killer (NK) cells, increased in number with age. In this case, the rate of increase was higher in women than in men.
NK cells are believed to be one of the body's first lines of defence against cancer.
The research, led by Professor Katsuiku Hirokawa, from Tokyo Medical and Dental University, appears in the online journal Immunity and Ageing.
The scientists wrote: ‘Age-related changes in various immunological parameters differ between men and women. Our findings indicate that the slower rate of decline in these immunological parameters in women than in men is consistent with the fact that women live longer than do men.’
Immune system mechanisms not only protect the body from infection and cancer, but can cause disease when not properly regulated.
Inflammation is a potentially damaging immune system response that contributes to heart and artery disease and could play a role in dementia.
The cytokine IL-10 is an important regulator of inflammation, helping to put the brakes on the immune system to keep it under control.
Its faster decline in men suggests that as men age they might more rapidly be affected by inflammatory conditions.
Professor Hirokawa said: ‘The process of ageing is different for men and women for many reasons. Women have more oestrogen than men which seems to protect them from cardiovascular disease until menopause. Sex hormones also affect the immune system, especially certain types of lymphocytes.
‘Because people age at different rates, a person's immunological parameters could be used to provide an indication of their true biological age.’

Orange Sherbet Smoothie

Ingredients:
1/2  cup orange juice 
1  cup orange sherbet or vanilla yogurt 
1  cup bananas, cut up 
1 1/2  cups peaches, peeled, pitted, & sliced 
1/2  teaspoon vanilla
Directions:
Place all ingredients in blender and puree.

Attending to Your Baby’s Needs

Once you have made the major purchases, you can start to attend to your baby's more personal needs and do some advance planning.
Before you rush out to buy lots of baby clothes, a roomful of toys, and several packs of diapers, ask friends and family if they have any baby clothes or toys they can pass on to you, and which diapers they recommend. Now is also the time to think about how you want to feed your baby.
Baby Crib
You will need a solid crib. Almost every crib today is adjustable to two levels. One level is higher for the infant, you do not have to bend down to put the child to bed. The other level is lower for the older baby who can sit or stand up, you do not want them flipping over the edge. Bassinets are a waste of money. Most babies only fit in them for a few months at the most.
Baby Swing
Worth its weight in gold! Get a swing with a good sturdy bottom. You have no idea how tiring it can be rocking and moving with an infant all day and night long. The swing gives you a much needed break.
Diapers
In the last few years, parents have switched to disposable diapers in a big way. Although disposables are expensive, they are easy to use, fit well, and do not involve time - and energy - consuming washing and drying. Cloth diapers cost less, even after taking into account the costs of washing and drying, liners, plastic pants, and pins. And one baby is unlikely to wear them out, so you can use them for a second child. Using a diaper service - a company that takes away dirty diapers, washes and dries them, and delivers them to your home - costs about the same as using disposables.
Apart from their laundering requirements, cloth diapers are environment - friendly. Disposables use up resources at every stage. And, despite their name, they are difficult to dispose of. So far, there is no way to recycle them.
An alternative is reusable diapers. These shaped cloth diapers are used with liners, as normal cloth diapers are. But their shape and availability in several sizes give them almost as good a fit as, and the comfort of, a disposable. Some parents use cloth diapers most of the time, disposables or reusable when traveling or on vacation.
Babies can be cleaned with cotton dipped to kill any bacteria, then cooled, but packaged wipes are convenient, especially when you are traveling.
A barrier cream may be useful, but most professionals do not recommend baby powder because the fine particles can aggravate breathing problems in some babies.
Clothes
Keep your baby's clothing simple and designed for easy diaper changing (front fastenings, wide necklines, and snaps up the insides of the legs, for example).
Avoid anything with drawstrings or lace in which small fingers could become trapped.
And buy only a few first-size items.
The following basics will see your baby through the first three months and prevent the need to wash a load of baby clothes more often than every other day or so: five all-in-one stretch suits; five undershirts; three cardigans or jackets; a receiving blanket; a warm hat for a winter baby, a sunhat for a summer baby. Make sure that everything you buy is machine washable and dryable, and colorfast.
Baby clothing is outgrown before it's outworn, and good-quality clothing can be passed on to several babies before it starts to look shabby. Remember: the most unexpected people may send or give you baby clothes.
Feeding your baby
Breast-feeding requires no equipment, although you may find breast pads useful. If you want to express milk - a skill that allows you to take a few hours off from the baby - you'll need a pump and bottles with nipples. If you plan to return to work, an electric breast pump may be useful. You can rent or buy one. A sterilizer is not vital for the odd bottle - just boil it in water for 10 minutes - but you will need a bottle brush to be sure that you have removed all traces of old milk.
If you are going to bottle-feed, you will need half a dozen bottles with nipples, plus sterilizing equipment. Some professionals argue that the high temperature of the water and air-drying in a dishwasher make sterilizing unnecessary. If you plan to put bottles in the dishwasher, check that they and their nipples are dishwasher-safe.
You don't have to buy a high chair until later, when your baby will start eating solid foods. Still, it's worth budgeting for one now.
Toys
A new baby does not need many toys, but she will like one or two small ones - she will not be able to focus on anything large - that become familiar from the start.
Check that toys conform to safety standards and are suitable for a newborn. Anything with sharp edges or small, detachable pieces is a hazard.
Car seat
A must for every baby and required by law in all states. They have a variety of them now. Check Consumer Reports for the best and safest seats.
Planning ahead
You may feel an almost physical "nesting instinct" in these last few weeks, an urge to make your home just right and comfortable for your baby.
If you feel a surge or energy as the birth draws near, use it profitably to complete any light household repairs or garden tasks you've been meaning to do "when you get around to it".
Plan to do as much housework ahead of time as you can, to cover the two weeks or so following the birth.
You'll be pleased at the extra time this gives you to spend with your baby, and you'll appreciate the chance to catch up on your rest and sleep, as the baby allows.
Shopping
Eating well is as important after the birth as it was before, but you may have less time to cook and be too tired to do so. Cook in bulk now and stock the freezer with meals you need only to heat and serve.
Stock up on pantry items (pasta, legumes, grains) and household supplies.
Safety
Think about safety while you still have time to do something about it.
You may never need them, but it's worth learning infant cardiopulmonary resuscitation techniques.
Ask your prenatal teacher or doctor for advice on where to go. Some hospitals offer courses, and instruction videos are available.
Make safety measures second nature before the baby arrives.
Run the cold water into the bath first, then add hot.
Turn the thermostat down a couple of degrees.
Shield fires and radiators.
Remove scatter rugs and fix any loose carpets, particularly on stairs.
Fit locks on cupboards containing medicines or chemicals.

Sweatier babies ‘are less aggressive toddlers’ – reseach

One-year-old babies who sweat more when faced with scary situations show less aggression when aged three, according to research from Cardiff University.

A sweat monitor was placed next to babies' feet measuring their reaction to loud noise and a mechanical robot.

Two years later, data was collected from their mothers on the children's aggressive behaviour.

Babies with a strong physical reaction to fear and anger were less physically and verbally aggressive as toddlers.

'Physical arousal'

Sweat levels are monitored by skin conductance activity (SCA), how the body physically reacts when aroused by fear or anger.

Children that have "a weaker fear response" are "more likely to engage in antisocial behaviour", said Professor Stefanie van Goozen from Cardiff University's school of psychology, who led the study.

She said: "One of the things we always study is physical arousal in response to fear and in response to anger.

"Low arousal levels are linked to aggression. You need to feel your arousal in order to warn you that you are in an emotional situation.

"If you don't feel that in your body then the braking system doesn't kick in.

"If you jump out of a plane you feel your heart beating - if you don't feel this then you don't learn.

"This feeling is linked to your development. If you don't feel, you don't bring out the fear.

"We need these signals. We need the anticipation of the negative thing.

"We are more prone to developing in an aggressive way if we don't feel the punishing consequences of our behaviour."

'Laid-back'

Rose Hunt, a 21-year-old mother from Pontyclun, said that her baby Harrison, who is nearly one, has a high skin reaction in emotional situations.

She said: "I don't wrap him up as much as other babies when we go out because he can get quite sweaty - mainly on his head, but also on his arms and his back.

"He sweats a lot more when he gets wound up."

Miss Hunt said that if there is a link between sweat and non-aggression then Harrison will be "the most laid back toddler there is".

Prof van Goozen said that they didn't know why some babies had a strong physical reaction in the study and some did not, but it suggested that aggression in toddlers might be genetic.

"It didn't surprise me," she said.

"We always look at the parents, or poor environments for why a child is difficult. It is possible to have toddlers that are clinically more difficult."

A previous study where skin activity was measured in toddlers to predict their aggression as adolescents showed similar results. The more the skin reacted to fear and anger, the less aggressive the adolescent.

Criminology expert Prof Adrian Raine from the University of Pennsylvania said: "If these new results can be replicated and extended to other ages, they have potentially important implications for the future prediction of aggressive and violent behaviour."

Nappies and Daddies

As a new mom still under the shock of just how much time is spent feeding and changing diapers and how little time you spend sleeping, your hopes and wishes are stripped to the bare minimum.
Your eyes are burning from continuous interrupted sleep and your arms are sore from carrying your baby. Your back aches from being slouched while breast feeding and bending at very disadvantageous angles to change diapers 12 times a day.
Yes, 12, for real, on a good day. And five to eight of them are poop too.
Now the good news is, the poop doesn’t smell, not until baby is eating solids anyway. The bad news, however, it is quite frequent.
The other piece of bad news is that the diaper changing seems to be written in only one parent’s job description and under “Exclusive Jurisdictions.”
Now my husband and I have a good thing going. We have been married over three years during which we have largely learnt to keep drama at bay and partner in most of home chores and errands. He is a progressive husband who values me as a workingwoman and a homemaker, pulling his weight around the house whenever needs be and supporting my long hours and work demands.
However, when it comes to nappies, none of the above seemed to apply.
Our son became my son, his poop became my problem and the accidents became funny episodes happening to me. I am not alone in this. I asked around within my circle of experienced moms, only to find that a friend could not leave her kids with her husband for longer than three hours; the maximum time allowed between changes. Another friend’s husband could not change their babies because they were girls. Ironically my husband would not change my son’s diaper because he was a boy.
Now let me take you back to a new mom’s state of mind three weeks post delivery; you are sore all over, convinced your life beyond baby is over and you are spending four to six hours a day alone in a room breastfeeding, which is both painful and frustrating. You are traumatised at how much you have been reduced to a milking machine and you are trying to come to terms with the fact that you have only lost a quarter of the weight you put on. And you are, on most days for any given period of time, covered in shit. Then after a long night of changing and feeding, your husband wakes up the next day complaining he’s only had five hours of sleep.
Now your husband prances in and out, coos at baby and baby’s cuteness, cuddles and holds baby then hands him over to you whenever he needs to be fed or changed.
Did I mention this happened 12 times a day?
Since he can’t help with the breastfeeding all you can do is ask him to help with the changing. But you get all sorts of responses when you ask over and over for daddy to learn to change a nappy. “No way,” “that’s a mommy thing,” “I’m scared, he’s so small,” “I’m not ready,” “he’s a boy, I can’t,” “she’s a girl, I can’t,” “I’m tired now.” Tired?
Eighteen days into my baby’s life, I realized that I was at a crossroads. I could be the only one to change diapers and resent my husband forever or I could pull the most dramatic, theatrical, confrontational and slightly angry fight out of my bag and put an end to it.
It worked, mostly because my husband could tell that I was utterly shattered, but also because my husband is the most loving, giving man I met.
Of course, he expected quite the standing ovation whenever he changed our baby and would remind me endlessly that he already changed him once this week. But slowly he became more at ease with the idea.
Since I went back to work my husband has woken up with my son and changed him at 7am almost every Friday to let me sleep for a few extra hours. He also bathes my son with me on most nights, puts him to sleep almost every night, which takes around three hours, and watches him for a few hours every weekend when I need to get things done.
I can now happily say that we are taking care of our son together and that I don’t fully trust anyone else with my son and couldn’t imagine doing this on my own.

Male depression: symptoms and solutions

On what is officially the most depressing day of the year, why do men still suffer in silence?
According to an equation dreamed up by a scientist employed by a company trying to sell something, 21 January is the most depressing day of the year.
It is, apparently, a perfect storm of misery, combining poor weather, limited daylight, post-Christmas financial difficulties and the distance till the next holiday, to create a day that has to be endured and not enjoyed, and forgotten as quickly as possible.
The equation is a bit bogus, but the idea that these are dark days for too many men, in more ways than one, isn’t.
Winter weather and the post-Christmas blues can exacerbate feelings of misery and - occasionally - despair in thousands of men who suffer from anxiety and depression.
Here’s why so many young men suffer truly debilitating bouts of depression, and what you can do if dark and despairing thoughts start to invade your own waking hours.
Men and depression: the facts
We’ve probably all said that we feel 'a bit depressed' at one time or other. But depression isn’t just having the blues for a day or two.
According to charity Depression Alliance, depression is, “an illness which means that intense feelings of persistent sadness, helplessness and hopelessness are accompanied by physical effects such as sleeplessness, a loss of energy, or physical aches and pains.”
And to put it in the starkest terms, depression is a killer, particularly of men. Suicide is in fact the biggest killer of young men in England and Wales. Though an equal number of young men and women think about suicide, far more men than women actually carry it out.
Of the 1,100 suicide deaths in 2010 of people under 34, nearly 80% were men.
“Our research shows that thinking about suicide is more common than we realise, and that men and women are almost equally liable to feel suicidal. What is significant is that more men actually go on to take their lives,” says Jane Powell, chief executive of the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) a charity specifically set up to help tackle depression and suicide in young men.
Not all depressed men contemplate suicide, of course, but many will, especially if they either can’t find help or choose not to seek it.
Male depression may get worse
It’s still the case that, although more men than women commit suicide, more women are likely to suffer from depression in their lifetime. But experts now say that the picture is changing.
Dr Boadie Dunlop, a psychiatrist from Emory University School of Medicine, believes more men are becoming depressed as traditional male roles in society die out.
“Western men will face a difficult road in the 21st century, particularly those with low levels of education,” says Dr Dunlop. “We believe economic and societal changes will have significant implications for men's mental health.”
That scenario is being accelerated by the economic downturn, reckons the Men’s Health Forum, a male health promotion group. Peter Baker, a former chief executive of the Forum, believes that unemployment has a much bigger impact on men than women, because men’s identities are so bound up with being workers and breadwinners.
Emer O’Neill, chief executive of the Depression Alliance, agrees. “We have evidence which shows that the number of people coming forward and contacting GPs about depression has risen enormously in the last four or five years,” she says.
“Part of that might be down to a greater awareness of depression. But financial difficulties, unemployment, the inability to get on the work ladder at all - they all play a part. At Depression Alliance we’ve seen a significant increase in young men coming to us.”
Who gets depression?
Social change, economic strife and unemployment might exacerbate other factors that can quickly lead men into what O’Neill describes as a “spiral of loneliness and isolation”. Relationship problems and stress can both have a significant bearing on the likelihood of young adults having suicidal thoughts.
There are also genetic components to depression. You may be more likely to suffer from it if your parents or grandparents had it.
And significant life events can also mean that you have more chance of becoming depressed. Losing a parent when you are young, for instance, is a well-known potential depression trigger.
But experts agree that no one personality type is more likely to suffer from depression. If you think depression only affects 'the weak', note that Winston Churchill, our indomitable wartime leader, was a self-confessed sufferer.
In fact, one in five of the population is likely to suffer at least one episode of depression over a lifetime.
So depression is common. Unfortunately, and sometimes tragically, it’s still not something many men feel they can own up to.
Why is depression so serious in men?
Depression is serious, and can be seriously debilitating, for anyone, but male reactions to depression can make the problem worse. While women are more likely to seek help, many men try to sweep dark days and sleepless nights under the carpet.
Why do men suffer in silence? Pete Cashmore, a journalist and depression sufferer, thinks it’s because being depressed just doesn’t seem very manly.
“I think part of the problem for male sufferers of depression is that it is a very emasculating condition. It saps you of traditional male attributes like bonhomie, physical energy, get-up-and-go and outgoing exuberance.”
These aren’t things men like to admit to. “Men are less likely to identify that they have depression,” says O’Neill. “And they’re less likely to ask for help.”
Things can get better
The good news is that things are getting better, albeit slowly. More men are admitting to depression, thanks in part to the lead taken by celebrities like Stan Collymore.
There is also more being done to help sufferers. “One big step forward is the money government has invested in things like CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy),” says O’Neill. “Seven or eight years ago these were only available through the private sector.”
GPs are getting better at identifying the physical symptoms of depression, like disturbed sleep, a loss of energy, reduced libido and physical aches and pains. On the other side of the coin, men are becoming more willing to admit to emotional and psychological symptoms, like persistent sadness, a loss of self-confidence or feelings of guilt, worthlessness or hopelessness.
The greater awareness and better understanding of depression means that men are more likely to be given the treatment - or combination of treatments - that works. Anything from anti-depressants and exercise to talking therapies and connecting with others can be part of the treatment process.
“We can’t underestimate how serious depression is but the strong message is that recovery happens,” says O’Neill. “Young men need to take the next step and get help. There’s a range of treatments now and nobody need be frightened.”

Why men do not respond to the sound of crying babies

A new study has discovered that women’s brains are hard-wired to respond to a baby’s cry, while men do not seem to react at all.
Research, carried out by National Institute of Child Health in the U.S., asked 18 men and women to let their minds wander.
During this time the scientists conducted brain scans.
A new study has discovered that women’s brains are hard-wired to respond to a baby’s cry, while men do not seem to react at all.
Research, carried out by National Institute of Child Health in the U.S., asked 18 men and women to let their minds wander.
During this time the scientists conducted brain scans.
'Determining whether these responses differ between men and women, by age, and by parental status, helps us understand instincts for caring for the very young,’ study co-author Marc Bornsteinfrom the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development told Medical Daily.
Although brain activity patterns differed between men and women, there was no difference in the brain patterns between parents and non-parents.
The researchers also played the cries of infants who were later diagnosed with autism.
Interestingly, hearing these cries interrupted the mind wandering of both men and women.
A previous study has shown that the screams of infants who develop autism tend to be higher pitched than those of other babies and that the pauses between cries are shorter.
It has been long known that women's bodies react to the sound of babies after pregnancy.
Soon after birth, a woman's 'letdown reflex' — the reflex that releases the milk produced by breasts — needs time to adjust to the sensation of feeding.
Frequent breastfeeding will help the reflex become attuned to particular stimulation, but until then, many sensations such as hearing screams and even certain thoughts may trigger lactation (the release of milk from the breast).

Dear diet: It’s not me, it’s YOU!

I have an unhealthy relationship with my diet. There, I said it! Every time I try to stick to a certain diet and be faithful, I end up waking up in the middle of the night and grabbing a bar of chocolate by the wrapper and just fall in love. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who cheats on their diet; I’m pretty sure that what you’ve just read up there you too have experienced, so that must mean one thing: Diets suck! Why else would everybody cheat on them? Nutrionists try to convince you that it’s your fault and that everyone else isn’t experiencing any problems gobbling up on broccoli all day when fact is EVERYONE is cheating on their diet one way or another.
Whether it’s sneaking in a piece of white bread, throwing away some broccoli to the dog, or eating Toffees thinking they won’t really harm you since they're tiny and all, it’s all cheating and we love to do it. I have finally accepted the fact that I will never be 100% faithful to my diet; I have finally acknowledged that I won’t be lying about it either. I also realized that if my diet sucks and if I don't like the food plan the doctor gave me, I’ll work out more to burn off the extra calories I've been taking in, but I will never, and I mean NEVER blame myself for cheating on my diet. It’s not my fault the weather is cold, it’s not my fault God created food this delicious, and it most certainly isn’t my fault I've put on a few pounds, so I won’t sit here and say “it’s me” when fact is eating just greens sucks. This year, I've decided to not hold back when I crave a bar of chocolate but rather exercise and work hard for it. This year I've decided to drink more water to help my metabolism take in all the food I've been eating. Lastly, this year I will accept my body as it is and I will not push it beyond its limit for I will look beautiful anyway!

Top 10 Heartburn-Friendly Party Snacks

Nearly 40 percent of Americans have heartburn at least once a month, according to the American College of Gastroenterology.
Heartburn occurs when acid from the stomach moves backwards from the stomach, up into the esophagus.
One of the biggest heartburn triggers is overeating. With celebrations round the corner note, Big meals spell big trouble. The solution? Eat small meals and snack in between. That way you won't get too hungry, and will less likely overeat.
Avoid common heartburn trigger foods that weaken the lower esophageal sphincter muscle, such as:
• Fried or fatty foods
• Chocolate
• Garlic and onions
• Citrus and tomato
• Chili peppers and other spices
Beverages such as coffee, caffeinated tea and cola drinks, alcoholic beverages, citrus and tomato juice. Instead, choose plain tap water, which dilutes acid in the stomach and helps remove any acid coating the esophagus.
Veggies dipped in hummus: Broccoli, bell pepper, celery, cucumber, baby carrot, lettuce, radish and the list is endless. Serve them fresh and crunchy with hummus - a pureed blend of chickpeas or garbanzo beans, tahini (a sesame seed paste), garlic, olive oil and lemon juice.
Crispy Edamame: Try these crispy, cheese top soya bean seeds coated with Parmesan cheese and salt.
Potato latkes with Apple Sauce: golden brown shredded potatoes pancakes toasted on skillet taste scrumptious with apple sauce. Apple is a fruit with less chance of causing heartburn.
Low-Fat Alfredo Sauce With Pasta: Use fettuccine pasta, combine it with evaporated skimmed milk, grated nonfat Parmesan cheese and ground white pepper. Garnish with scallions and parsley.
Pretzel: Look for a larger-sized pretzel option with whole wheat flour as the first ingredient and about three grams of fiber per ounce. The added fiber will help make a 1-ounce serving more satisfying.
Watermelon and Ginger Granite bars: Try these frozen watermelon pieces. Cook and cool honey, clove, nutmeg, ginger, salt, and lemon zest in a cup of water and boil. Freeze for at least 3 hrs and serve.
Orange Almonds: Egg white and nuts make Holiday Orange Almonds a simple, nutritious snack recipe to savor. Combine almonds and egg white, add powdered sugar and orange rinds. Bake at 250 degrees F for 20 to 30 minutes or until coating is dry and almonds are crisp; stir almonds occasionally.
Baked Sweet Potato Chips: Sweet potato recipes are healthier for acid reflux suffers. Learn to cook a sweet potato like a regular potato, only with tastier results.
Baked Chicken Strips: These chicken strips are baked to perfection, and you can even include your favorite "bacon" in the recipe if you want. Coat the chicken strips with egg white and then in crumb mixture. Cook for about 20 minutes in oven, or until chicken looks crispy, turning it over halfway through the cooking time.
Shrimp Potstickers with ginger-lemon sauce: These pot stickers can be refrigerated or frozen until you are ready to use them. Combine shrimp, egg white, chili oil, sesame oil, and soy sauce. Puree into a smooth paste. Transfer to a medium bowl, add chopped cilantro, carrot, cabbage, ginger, scallions, shallots, salt, and pepper, and mix well. Fill them in wonton wraps and cook on skillet with oil and water. Once cooked serve immediately with sauce.
Egg white is better than complete egg, and if you like to have some sort of bread in recipe, try a entire grain bagel with low fat cream cheese. Apples and bananas are the most effective options for fruit and, if you would like a fruit juice, apple is almost certainly your finest bet there, too.
Foods to Look Out For In Acid Reflux Diet
• Bread (multi-grain or white)
• Bran, oatmeal
• Corn bread, graham crackers, pretzels
• Rice (brown or white), rice cakes
• Red Licorice
• Jelly Beans
• Baked and fat free cookies
• Fat free cheese like feta or goat cheese, soy cheese and fat free cream
• Skinless chicken breast, egg white, fish, steak, extra lean ground beef
• Green peas and beans
• Potato, broccoli, carrots
• Apple, bananas and melons
• Pears and peaches
• Celery, cabbage, fennel
• Water, mineral water
• Decaffeinated tea
• Non-citrus juices or non-fat or low fat milk
• Low fat salad dressing
You'll be able to see, lots of opportunities for acid reflux and heartburn sufferers to take pleasure in delicious heartburn-free food this holiday season.